The Necessity of Empathy
Building Community
My grandson’s shoe was missing. He is just 13 months in age and has been enjoying the value of upright mobility for the past month or so, making footwear important. On a warm sunny afternoon, the playground we visited was full of other children with either their parents or grandparents. The adults, like the children, engaged in the type of friendly conversation of people meeting for the first time. One little girl, who said she was seven, sat down and played with my grandson. In general, the warmth and friendliness created an atmosphere of togetherness among this gathering of strangers. It was because of that playground atmosphere that my concern was minimal when I arrived at home only to discover the missing shoe. My hope was that one of those parents would notice the shoe and place it on the table where it would be easy to spot, which is exactly where I found it.
The confidence I had in finding the missing shoe stemmed directly from the belief that these parents or grandparents would immediately think about the cost and the hassle of replacing a pair of shoes and therefore would put it somewhere it might be easily discovered. There was nothing directly gained by this simple action. There was no way I could repay them, not even with a thank you. Yet, rather than ignore the shoe, leaving it lying where it was, they took the extra step to put it in plain sight where it might be found by a grateful grandfather.
At its core, this simple act is what empathy looks like in practice. It is placing yourself in the shoes of another, to use that metaphor, and doing what you can to show care. According to Elon Musk and a growing number of Christian nationalists, empathy is a danger for our country, indeed for the Western world. In a recent Saturday morning Weekend Edition, NPR host Sarah McCammon aired an interview with Musk broadcast from the “Joe Rogan Experience” in which Musk claimed the fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy. In a discussion of immigration he says what we have is “civilizational suicidal empathy.” Jettisoning empathy is also convenient when as McCammon notes you are “making massive cuts to the federal government, including humanitarian programs at home and overseas.” No need to consider the impact on children, seniors, Veterans or the lives of people who depend on aid for food or the most basic form of health care.
Right wing Christian nationalists have also taken up the anti-empathy cause, claiming as did Josh McPherson, host of the podcast “Stronger Men Nation,” “empathy is dangerous. Empathy is toxic. Empathy will align you with hell.” McCammon shared that Al Mohler of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary hosted several of these Christian nationalists on his podcast, including Allie Beth Stuckey, who among others considers empathy a particular danger for women because it makes them susceptible to be easily manipulated. New York Times columnist David French in turn points out that it is this belief in women’s susceptibility to the evils of empathy that becomes justification for the idea that “Christian men should run the country.” To this heretical Christian belief, one might add from simple observation of the current administration that running the country should be reserved for Christian (in name) white men.
Who would imagine empathy for a grandparent losing his grandson’s shoe could be so dangerous. But, apparently when applied to policies that govern our common lives some people view empathy as a serious threat. For my part, I will go with empathy, whether it is on the playground, in our schools, city government or national policies. To be sure, the actions emanating from empathy have limits based on our capacity, which is what creates room for a discussion on an appropriate immigration policy or how much assistance to provide those in need. No one would expect the parents at the playground to take up a collection and buy my grandson a new pair of shoes. But, placing the lost shoe in a place where it might be found was quite doable, which is precisely what they did.
