Partners for Violence Prevention

“Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but it is words that really hurt me.” This twist on an old playground chant resonates in the lives of many of our students today. The reality is that the intentional and unintentional insults, cutting words, and teasing committed by classmates, parents, siblings, and teachers slice into the heart and psyche of young people every day.

Educators and professionals working with youth must remember that they are responsible for choosing words and actions that not only teach children practical skills and critical thinking, but also build young people up with interpersonal skills, confidence, support, and kindness that they need to develop into happy, healthy, and high functioning individuals.

Admittedly, people who work with youth face many stressors. They can run the gamut from young people not listening or being interested to unhealthy school cultures or communities being filled with fear and violence. In addition, personal stressors such as a partner who has lost a job, children who are home sick, or parents who are rapidly aging, all contribute to teachers’ interactions with their students. Sadly, it is not uncommon, even for professionals, to have moments when they blurt out harsh words or use a harsh tone with their students. Statements such as, “Why can’t you behave?” “You’ll never learn!” and “Stop or else…!” typically result from a teacher’s own feelings of anger or frustration.

When professionals working with young people choose words and actions that cut their students down, it is of the utmost importance that they recognize their mistake and use it as an opportunity to demonstrate and model the importance of humility, the art of apology, and the importance of owning our mistakes by admitting when we’re wrong.

In articulating and apologizing for what happened, a professional can help empower students and de-escalate the situation. Statements such as, “I am sorry I got upset, I was worried that you would hurt yourself,” or “It was not nice for me to use such a harsh tone. I know you have a lot of potential and it frustrates me to see you get frustrated. I want to see you use all your gifts!” help students understand that it is okay to feel upset and frustrated, but that everyone, teachers, parents, and students, must find ways to stay in control of our emotions and treat others with respect.

Professionals working with young people can use the following strategies to increase positive interactions with youth:

• Start an agreement, not an argument. Phrase requests so that students can say “Yes.” Find solutions that help re-establish their sense of control and independence. Say, “Tommy, you have the choice to take five long breaths and remain in the class with us, or you can choose to leave and come back when you calm down.”

• Respond to criticism with a reasonable question. If a student tells you to stop nagging them, you might say, “How would you manage this yourself? If you were me, what would you do?”

• Take time to cool down. If a student does something that hurts your feelings or is making you angry, pause before you respond. Ask yourself, “Will an emotional response from you ease the conflict or dig a deeper hole?” Keep in mind that your words are powerful!

• Take a break and listen to your student. Specific actions such as making eye contact, kneeling down to your student’s level and even tilting your head help slow your reaction down and show that you are listening.

• Clearly communicate what you expect. If you expect students to ask questions and participate in classroom dialogue, tell them. If you expect them to hang their used paint smocks on certain hooks, remind them before they have the chance to forget. Open a dialogue with students and you’ll get more support than you expect.

In addition, it is essential to find time to celebrate each student’s success. Youth development research demonstrates the power of recognizing students for the positive contributions they make and their successes. (Visit youthdevelopment.org or extension.umn.edu/youthworkinstitute.) Positive recognition not only helps build self-esteem, motivation and satisfaction, but also helps students feel valued and supported, leading to decreased behavior problems and classroom disturbances.

It is essential for professionals working with young people to keep in mind that their words have a profound impact on student’s experiences, including their behavior and academic success. It is crucial that professionals are conscious of how their actions and words affect the positive development of their students’ minds, bodies, and hearts.

For more tips to increase your positive interactions with students, visit emstac.org/registered/topics/posbehavior/tenprin.htm. For information on the importance of positive teacher and student relationships on the culture of schools and the development of students visit csun.edu/~acc50786/paper1.txt or csun.edu/~acc50786/paper1.txt .